We’ve all felt the sting of disappointment when things don’t go as expected. Whether it’s at work, in our relationships, or even in small daily plans, it seems that the greater our expectations, the harder reality hits us. But is the source of our discontent truly the external world, or is it the way we process our experiences internally?
This question leads us to a significant reflection: we often attribute our unhappiness to the actions of others. However, upon closer inspection, we might discover that it isn’t people causing us pain, but our own internal struggle when life fails to align with our expectations. This article explores how to manage these discrepancies and how to find solace in acceptance.
The Subconscious Script of Relationships
From the moment we enter this world, each of us begins to write our own story. We are simultaneously the protagonist, the stage director, and most importantly, the pen holder in this personal narrative. With every decision and turn in our path, something intriguing happens that we don’t always notice. We start to imagine how those around us should act, almost as if we are assigning them roles in our play without their knowledge. This set of “shoulds” emerges from the depths of our subconscious, woven by all the things we’ve gathered throughout our lives, from childhood to the present. But here’s the problem: life rarely sticks to the script. And when someone does something unexpected, when they don’t follow these unwritten rules, we feel offended, frustrated, or even hurt.
The Pain of Unmet Expectations
Let’s consider an example: Imagine it’s your anniversary, and you expect your partner to remember it with a special gesture, because, according to the information stored inside you, that means they love you. But if the day passes without any acknowledgment, your mind might interpret this oversight as a sign that they don’t value or love you enough, leading to feelings of sadness and resentment. The gap between what you expected and what actually happens is what causes pain, not necessarily your partner’s action (or inaction).
Acceptance: The Perfect Antidote
Herein lies the most valuable lesson for our inner peace: acceptance. It involves accepting others as they are, allowing them to live according to their own scripts, without forcing them into the mold of our expectations. Each person is a universe unto themselves, acting from their unique set of experiences and beliefs. Recognizing that everyone is doing the best they can with what they know is not only liberating but also an act of compassion and humanity.
Indeed, part of that compassion stems from a simple, yet often forgotten truth: no one sees the world the same way. Our life experiences, as unique as our fingerprints, shape how we interpret everything around us. Even siblings who have grown up in the same home can have completely different perspectives on the same events. If this is true for people who share so much, how could we expect others to see and feel the world exactly as we do?
Living Without Expectations
Freeing yourself from expectations allows you to live authentically, without the chains of how we think things or people ‘should’ be. Imagine what it would be like to relate to others without the weight of how they ‘should’ act. By focusing on your own script and honoring others’, you open the door to a more fulfilling and harmonious life. Try starting each day with an open mind, freeing yourself from the burden of past expectations, and watch how your world changes.
Marcela Allen Herrera. Expert in Mindfulness and New Thought Philosophy.